we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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