It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
