I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
