I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
