Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
