he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
