Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
