I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this hospital has no fireball
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
