New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
