If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
