beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are the jesus of drinking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
