your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
