I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
