Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
