Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
