Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
