How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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