I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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