...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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