I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
