I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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