You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
