Your dad touched me again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize