haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
