you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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