Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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