sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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