You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
