Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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