I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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