arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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