She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
