I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
