Umm I'm too high to move.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I deserve this hangover.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
