Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
