My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
