He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
