At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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