there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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