new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
