Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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