I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
