I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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