Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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