That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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