Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
