i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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