I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
