He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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