Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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