His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
