I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
