Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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