I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
