Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
