i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
