barbara walters just said penis...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
