I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
