stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He better not be in your backpack
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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