sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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