do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
