Im at strip club and am horny
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
