then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
