everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
