how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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