peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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