this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize