im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
